Younger Men Who Desire Older Women

The questions and comments from young men who desire older women keep coming. They crave older women. They revere older women. And yes, they find older women incredibly sexy.
I'm not talking about age differences of five or ten years - I mean decades. Here are some samples from my email and from comments on my other blog posts:
* I am 19 years old and love older women. They are much sexier than anything else I can imagine. It's the feeling of that they have so much to teach you sexually. I have had sex with an older woman and would do it again in a heartbeat.
* I'm male, 27, and just this Christmas had a brief encounter with a mature woman. It was wonderful. We met via internet dating, a good way to meet like-minded people, and she actually approached me first. It just so happens I like older women and she likes men around my age. We had an amazing day and later on she joined me at a hotel. It was like a fantasy come true. Amazing company, amazing sex too and a really warm and loving woman. She will turn 43 this month, and my goodness what a connection we had that day.
* I am 26 and have no problem getting dates with women my age. I'm a young professional and have confidence in my abilities with women my age. However, I am incredibly attracted to older women. I find such beauty in maturity. I work in a professional environment where I am around professional older women all the time. I can't help but fantasize about them. There is something about a woman who is well versed, educated, smart, and mature that drives me wild. Is this wrong? And if it's not, do older women even take men my age seriously?
* I wish I could find an older woman who doesn't say I am too young to have sex with her. I am 21 by the way.
* I am a 49 year old single man, and I have always been fond of sex with older ladies. In all honesty they drive me wild. I have no interest in any ladies younger than me. Presently have a few senior neighbours.... jeez I only wish.
Some of the younger men who write tell me that their first sexual experience was with a much older woman, and they still treasure the experience:
* I lost my virginity to a woman who was 59 and it was brilliant. She was old enough to be my grandmother and I had known her since I was 5 or 6. I know many people will read this and think that I am making this up but I'm truly not. I loved having sex with her.
* I have always been attracted to older women. I had short relationships with a 60-something-year-old woman when I was 15; a 40-ish woman when I was19; and a woman in her late 30's when I was 21. For me it was a way to have sex, enjoy sex, learn about sex, and experience the whole thing in a sincere, loving way, in a stress-free atmosphere. It was so nice to make love to someone who was calm, enjoyed the experience and could be trusted. A bonus for me was that my older lovers expressed being flattered at being desired by an attractive young man. It felt great to be in this princely or studly role. I'm now 50 and have been married 27 years to my best friend. I find her even more attractive as she gets older, and she likes this.
* I'm 18. I just recently completed a life-long dream of having an older woman take my virginity and teaching me the ways. The only thing is it was a one-time deal but now I'm hooked on older women. I love their maturity and knowledge.
I often hear from single women who complain that men their age are seeking younger women and don't seem to value what an older woman brings to a relationship, both in and out of bed. These comments from young men show an interesting flip of the coin, don't you think? Of course I'm not recommending staking out the local teen center to get a date, but don't rule out mature young men who express interest in you, if you feel interest and attraction, also.
I'm posting these comments today to invite more discussion from young men in this situation, older men remembering these experiences, and from women of all ages. I look forward to reading your thoughts.

Sex Tips for Virgins on Their Wedding Night

If you'll be a virgin when you get married, you're probably feeling some apprehension about what will happen on your wedding night. Here are tips and advice to help things go smoothly.

How to Communicate Before the Wedding Night
Pick a quiet moment to ask your soon-to-be-spouse "are you feeling nervous at all about our wedding night?" Odds are, he or she will be relieved to have the opportunity to talk about it. Talk about what your hopes and fears are. If your partner has sexual experience or you want to prevent pregnancy, talking about safer sex is essential. You may want to visit a counselor, or talk about sex during your pre-wedding counseling. If you are too nervous to bring up the subject of sex, consider leaving a magazine open, or even forwarding this article in an email.

How to Communicate During Sex
The most important sex tip for being a great lover is to learn how to communicate in bed. For nervous first timers, it might seem more natural to stay silent; dirty talk can be intimidating. Try saying, "That feels good" or just moaning a little when you like something. Be observant of your partner as well - if they're quiet and still, you might want to try something different. You can ask, "Does that feel good?" or "Can I try..." Most importantly, speak up when something doesn't feel good. Sex can and should give both of you pleasure.

Will She Bleed? Will it Be Painful?
When a woman loses her virginity, it is possible for it to be a little bloody or painful. However, it shouldn't last for too long, and it is almost never very serious. To make things easier, make sure there's plenty of foreplay before you try penetration. You'll also want to have a good lubricant. I recommend a brand called "Slippery Stuff" because it is safe to use with latex, and it's glycerin-free. (Glycerin can cause yeast infections.) Even if you use a lubricated condom, you'll want to use extra lube. And, if you're afraid of bleeding on the hotel sheets, bring a towel with you, or your own sheets.

Will He Be Able to Maintain an Erection? What Happens If He Can't?
The pressure of the wedding night can be too much for many men. If things aren't "working," try to change up the mood. Spend some time kissing, and fondling each other. Perhaps make a game out of how many different body parts you can kiss, or be a little more serious by talking about the wedding, your love for each other, and milestones ahead of you. Most importantly remember that sex isn't just about penetration. There are lots of ways to make each other feel good that don't require an erection.

The Vagina Monologues: real-life women perform real-life stories

The Vagina Monologues are coming to Georgia Southern once again. This performance is usually put on near Valentine’s Day, but this year it will be on Feb. 4.

The Women and Gender Studies program and N.O.W. contingent sponsor this event on campus.

For those who are unfamiliar with this event, it is an award-winning play written by Eve Ensler composed of true stories that are presented as monologues by a number of performers.

Most of the performers are GSU students, although there are a few from the community because the auditions were open to all women.

The show requires little preparation, and there are only a few rehearsals. The actresses are not allowed to memorize their lines for the purpose of showing that the women and stories are real. They hold scripts so that no one improvises upon forgetting a line.

The topics discussed range from sexual assault to gynecologist visits. The show mostly appeals to college age and up; it is not recommended for a younger crowd.

The show isn’t obscene or pornographic, but there are a few things to be aware of.

The play director, junior Elizabeth Hobbs, said, “Some monologues may be disturbing to hear or see, whether one has experienced abuse or not. But abuse and rape happen. The stories may be painful and emotional to listen to, but we can’t help stop violence by pretending it doesn’t happen.”

The monologues remain the same as the ones performed in previous years. These are the original ones put together by Eve Ensler. There are, however, a few optional monologues that can replace others. This year the play will feature a monologue called “Say It,” which is about Japanese women who were forced to be comfort women to the soldiers during World War II. Another thing that changes annually is a spotlight monologue written by Ensler. This year’s spotlight monologue is called “I Am an Emotional Creature: The Secret Life of Girls Around the World”. It tells the tale of a girl who was put into sex slavery and of her escape.

Remember, the main purpose of this event is to raise awareness about the violence and inequality against women. Although most women will be able to find something in the show to relate to, it isn’t just for girls. Men can also enjoy it. Hobbs says, “We all have mothers and sometimes sisters, and these stories highlight issues that our society tends to shy away from: women’s sexuality, and injustice and violence towards women and girls.”

The play will be held at the Performing Arts Center at 7:30 p.m. on Thursday.

Tickets can be bought in advance or at the door. The price for advance tickets is $5 for students and $7 for other patrons. The price for tickets at the door will be $7 for students and $10 for other patrons.

All proceeds from the event are going to local and international causes. Most proceeds will benefit the Statesboro Regional Sexual Assault Center, but 10 percent of all the net profits will be donated to help build a safe haven for women in the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

Sex Tips And Advice For Women

Buy Something New

Hello, Fredericks of Hollywood, Victoria's Secret and Figleaves. It's time to purchase some sexy in the form of pretty lingerie. Before the romantic evening, ask your man what he likes. Who knows, he may want you in a football jersey. Or, like most men, he'll probably ask to see you in lace and chiffon. It's good to communicate expectations beforehand so he can grow in anticipation and you can plan ahead. Visit your favorite lingerie store (if applicable, that is) and get something you know not only he will like, but you will love to see yourself in.
Groom Yourself

This goes without saying - don't forget to shave, trim, wax what you need to. Depending on yours and/or your lover's preference of hair, of course, groom accordingly so there are no surprises during the romantic night. If you're feeling a little frisky, consider a special design on your you-know-what, like a heart or star.
Stay Away from Junk

Newsflash - salty foods make you bloated. So stay away from potato chips, fast food, and ramen noodles for a week before your fab fling. Consuming foods with a lot of sodium will only add water weight, making your tummy look bigger than it normally is. Stick with natural foods before your romantic night. Shop at Wholefoods and farmer's markets. Eat salads with light dressing and lots of whole grain pastas, rice and bread. Doing so will make your body sexier than it already is!
Set the Mood

To sex up the room, you'll need two manipulate two important things: the lighting and aroma. Give your bedroom or living room that romantic glow it doesn't normally have.. Instead of using plain old tealight candles, consider PartyLite's Scents of Illumination. These unique translucent solid frangrance-filled wine glasses will hold tealight candles. It really provides a nice touch to your wine setup and table setting. You can get them in scents like champagne pear (if you're having white wine) and Tuscan vineyards (if you're having red wine).. They retail for $32.95 each or you can get two for $62.95 at www.partylite.com. You can also get the tealights there for $9.50 for a dozen.
Own Your Sexy

No matter what you do to get ready for the lovely day - whether you groom, eat right, and dress sultry - your sex appeal won't go very far if you don't own it. After you follow the steps above, it's very important to know, remember and maintain how sexy you are. Once you and your lover are "in the moment," just enjoy yourself, each other and the night. Then, repeat every day if possible to keep that love alive. Valentine's Days, anniversaries and honeymoons aren't the only occasions for fun loving.

And Now The Tips

1. Every woman has a surefire happy-making position — find yours.
By all means, try new things, mix it up, find an alternate use for your baby's exersaucer when she's asleep if it adds to the variety — but figure out your no-fail move or position so you know you can always have an orgasm when you need one.

2. That position may change.
Maybe in your misspent youth you were all about acrobatics and funky props, but now you strive for a deep connection with your guy. (Or maybe it's the other way around!) What you crave, both physically and emotionally, can shift over time, says Mary Jane Minkin, M.D., a clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Yale School of Medicine. Pay attention to what you're feeling (or not feeling) and adapt to your new normal.

3. He doesn't have a flaw-o-meter.
That would be you scanning your body for an errant pudge or a dimple in the wrong place. "During sexual arousal, men are experiencing such a neurochemical cocktail rush, they're really just caught up in the intoxication of it all," says REDBOOK Love Network expert and sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. In other words, he's too overwhelmed with joy to notice your "flaws." Put aside your body angst and you'll soon be having as much fun as he is.

4. Sex in a soft, clean, comfy bed is underrated.
You're supposed to want to do it on the kitchen floor, in the airplane bathroom, and hanging from your light fixtures. Bah! There's no shame in enjoying your good sheets.

5. Sex clichés are clichés for a reason: They work.
Get a hotel room. Have date night. Take a bubble bath. For God's sake, buy some scented candles already!

6. Everyone else is not having more (or better) sex than you are.
There is no "normal" amount we should all aspire to, no magic number of times per month that signifies your relationship is hunky-dory. There's only one question you need to answer: Are you having enough sex for you?

7. Asking for what you want is worth the embarrassment.
What's a brief awkward moment of sounding like one of those women at the end of a 900 number compared to, well, getting what you need?
8. You need transition time into sex.
Look at all the people who want a piece of you — your kid, your client, the guy who's supposed to be renovating your kitchen. So don't expect to make the leap from corporate exec or general contractor or mommy-on-the-spot to sex goddess without a little time to reassemble yourself. When you're done with the dinner dishes, take a shower — alone! — or read a book. Better yet, get your guy to do the dishes. After that, you might want to give him some action, after all.

9. The more sex you have, the more you want.
It's simple: Delicious recent memories make you want to reenact the fun. But the reverse is also often true — if you go too long without, you forget how much you like it.

10. Masturbating isn't just for dry spells.
First of all, it's plain fun, and second, when was the last time you disappointed yourself? Not to mention the fact that more frequent orgasms will keep you craving partner play, too (see above).

11. Worrying about your orgasm is the best way to chase it away.
When your mind is roiling, It's not happening...concentrate...he'll think he failed...what's wrong with me?, you're thinking, not feeling. Focus on the lovely physical sensations instead and soon you won't be able to think straight — in a good way.

12. Planned sex can be even better than spontaneous sex.
Anticipation as foreplay. Think about it.

13. Yes, you can give him a hand.
Touching yourself to speed up your happy ending is not only allowed, it's appreciated, especially when your guy has had his neck in an awkward position for the better part of an hour.

14. He doesn't need you to know any fancy techniques.
"There are many paths to male orgasm," says Kerner. As long as you pay attention to his reactions, refrain from inflicting pain (unless invited to) and don't do anything involving teeth (again, unless he asks), you won't hear any complaints.

15. Sometimes what your body lusts for most is sleep.
An "off" night or a dry spell doesn't mean your relationship is tanking. It usually means you have children or a demanding job or you need to be alone in your head. Go ahead, take the night off.
16. But sometimes "Just do it" really does work.
If you wait to be struck with a spontaneous urge to tear his clothes off, you may be waiting a very long time. But if you simply decide to give it a go, your body (and your desire) will often catch up.

17. Kegels are key.
These exercises strengthen your pubococcygeal (PC) muscles, a.k.a. your pelvic floor muscles, giving you more control during sex and intensifying orgasm, says Minkin. To do them, squeeze as if you're holding back urine, then release. (For a more detailed how-to, go to redbookmag.com/kegels.)

18. Your birth control method is not till death do us part.
You need to reevaluate your pregnancy-prevention method at least twice in your adult life, says Minkin: when you go from wild woman to a mutually monogamous relationship, and after you have children. Not only does your body change post-baby, but your habits may change, too (making you a less reliable Pill taker, for example).

19. Doggie-style can be fun — really!
It can make you feel a bit raunchy — and that's a good thing. It just suffers from bad PR. Let's change the name — like how the marketing people changed prunes to "dried plums." Hands-free sex? Getting the backstory? Taking the bull by the horns? Heck, call it Loretta, but try it.

20. Pain during intercourse is not normal.
Occasional discomfort may just mean that you're tense or haven't had enough foreplay, but if sex hurts often, see your doctor. "It could be as simple as a low-grade urinary tract infection," says Minkin. Whatever it is, you don't have to suffer.

21. The way your vagina looks, however, is perfectly normal.
And no, we don't have to see it to know that.
22. Props are your friends.
Vibrators, fun feathers, unusually-shaped pillows — you name it, someone has probably patented it. At the very least, these tools will make you laugh, which can be its own turn-on.

23. Sex is how he shows love.
It's an age-old problem: We gals need to feel cozy and loving to want to have sex, and guys need to have sex to access those cozy and loving feelings. "A lot of guys don't have many outlets for communication, and for them sex is a powerful form of emotional expression," says Kerner. Remember that the next time he wants to have make-up sex before you've really made up — to him, sex is a peace offering and a gift of love, all in one.

24. No matter how badly you want to cuddle and fall asleep, you gotta get up and pee after sex.
Why? So you don't get a urinary tract infection.

25. He'll be snoring by the time you return from the bathroom.
The buildup to his ejaculation involves a lot of muscular tension, explains Kerner. When the wave has subsided, he relaxes and sleep-inducing hormones are released. In short, he can't help it.

26. It's okay to simply take.
Consider how you feel when you perform a one-way act on your guy — you get a certain pleasure out of that, right? Don't deny him the same joy.

27. Sex gets better with age.
(or practice, or time with one partner, or all of the above). The future is looking bright!

SEX ADDICTION...What is it?

Sex addiction, like other addictions, is a maladaptive pattern of behavior, which involves persistent dependence on various forms of sexual expression in order to cope with the stresses of life. Like other addictions, there is a cyclical pattern of behavior, involving urges and cravings to engage in the behavior, a ritualistic way of planning and acting out the behavior, and a sense of relief and elation on engaging in the behavior, followed by a period of withdrawal and repeated cravings.

What makes sex addiction an addiction, as opposed to some other sexual problem, is this repetitive pattern of thought processes and behaviors, which continues despite negative consequences for the addict, and in some cases, for other people. The addictive behavior continues over an extended period of time, and once consequences become obvious and the addicted person is unable to stop the behavior, they feel they are losing control.

There are many different sexual behaviors that people can get addicted to, ranging from the benign to the criminal. There are many different consequences that can arise, some of which affect everyone with sex addictions (such as relationship problems), and some of which affect fewer people (sexually transmitted diseases, wounding, financial problems, legal problems).

As with other addictions, help is available and can be effective if adhered to. Similar approaches to treating other addictions have been successfully applied to sex addictions. Some addiction centers originally set up to help people overcome alcohol and drug problems also treat people with sex addictions, although this is not the case with all addictions clinics.

Specialist clinics also exist which provide treatment specifically for sex addiction, although these are likely to be private, and people will generally not receive financial support as easily as they do with alcohol and drug addictions.

There are also several 12-step support groups available for people with sex addictions.
The Controversy of Sex Addiction

Like other behavioral addictions, sex addiction is a controversial idea. Many experts balk at the idea that excessive sexuality can constitute an addiction, believing that there has to be a psychoactive substance which produces symptoms such as physical tolerance and withdrawal for an activity to be a true addiction. However, there is increasing evidence that sex addiction follows similar cognitive and behavioral patterns, and involves similar brain mechanisms to other addictions.

Sex addiction is not currently included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, although a working group of professionals has recently suggested diagnostic criteria which may be considered for the next edition of the manual, due to be published in 2012. There are, however, a number of sexual behaviors that fall outside of the norm, which are included as "paraphilias".

Sex addiction is a difficult concept for both professionals and the public to take seriously. There are several reasons for this:

* Sex covers a wide and varied range of behaviors. Some, such as masturbation, are so commonplace that almost everyone has engaged in it to some extent at some point in their lives, while others, such as unusual fetishes, are so unexpected and far removed from “normal” behavior that many people find them it difficult to relate to or understand the appeal of such behavior.
* The discipline of sexology is based on unconditional acceptance of sexual desire as a universal and empowering force.
* Confusion around what would constitute “recovery” from a sex addiction, as abstinence would not be considered a healthy course of action for most people.
* Sex remains one of the most taboo topics in society, so people with sex addictions are often the subject of mockery and scorn in a way that people with other conditions are not subject to.
* Because some people with sex addictions are, in some instances, sexually abusive to others, sex addiction can be seen as an “excuse” for irresponsible and abusive behavior.

The concept of sex addiction can be helpful in explaining some people’s difficulties with their sexual expression. It may or may not be a factor in understanding the behavior of sexually deviant individuals, as each case is different. Sex addiction does not explain all sexually troublesome behaviors, or excuse harm caused as a result of sexual acting out.

We have a responsibility as a society to provide sufficient and appropriate support and treatment to people who need it. Many who have sex addictions are a far cry from the stereotypical rapist, and are law-abiding men and women who are suffering unnecessarily as a result of their addiction. Many sex addicts who are imprisoned for sex crimes could turn their lives around and no longer be a threat to others with appropriate treatment.

And many of those who fall somewhere in between –- they do not break the law, but they wreck havoc with the lives and families of their partners –- could overcome their damaging behaviors and live happy and loving lives with fulfilling relationships, if they were able to access appropriate treatment.

The Dangers of Masturbation

THERE is a secretive sexual practice common to both men and women, as well as young people, and it is known as masturbation.

Something of a shocker really, don't you think?

The whole thing reads as if the Victorian attitudes to self-abuse were still extant (although thankfully they don't mention one proposed solution of that time, clitorectomy. They do mention amputation of the penis for habituals though, similarly a rather extreme response one might think.).

There's one woman who actually makes sense:

Howeover, some people who spoke with Your Health do not see anything bad in masturbation. Many of them believe that masturbation is a normal sexual behaviour which almost everybody engages in. A medical doctor who will not want her name mentioned stated that for many people, masturbation remains a taboo subject and a practice that is still regarded as perverse or immoral. “Some medical practitioners and psychologists had condemned masturbation as destructive to mental health, even recommending amputation of the penis as a way to cure the habit in compulsive males. But today, many medical experts are beginning to change their belief.



"But for me, there is no ill-effect attached to masturbation. There is nothing wrong in it. It is not against the law, it is not immoral. It is perfectly a normal healthy thing done by 98 per cent of men, but the other two per cent are liars, who will not want to say the truth, but yet practise it,” she stated.

Bring on today and that change in belief I say. The end of the article seems to slip back a little:

Nonetheless, other dangers of masturbation as spelt out by medical experts include psychological guilt. A chance masturbator stands the risk of nervous-depressing permanent insanity, premature death, especially for those with high blood pressure, diabetes, blood diseases, inability to perform sexual act naturally, etc. Other dangers attached to masturbation sexes include inability to pull out of the act. It has even been documented to cause more deaths among boys in Europe than any plaque or war. Masturbation also results in total loss of sexual feelings and desire due to lack of sensation when it is time to actually engage in legitimate sexual intercourse. Quick, early or premature ejaculation is also one of the rewards of regular masturbation.

In girls, the breast development is arrested or retarded and the individual also stands the risk of experiencing spinal irritation resulting from epilepsy as a result of loss of seminal fluid in a male.

D'ye think we should send over some of President Bush's sex educators? Even informed abstinence has to be better than this.

Female Orgasm

For those of you who have had the pleasure of having an orgasm (pun intended), you know that it is a sweet and satisfying sensation like no other. All women are different - some are quick to orgasm, while others need to be warmed up for quite a while. When it happens though, your entire body and soul feels utterly amazing.

So do you ever wonder what exactly is happening when you are about to reach your climax? Here's the deal:
* Once a woman becomes sexually aroused, her heart begins to beat quicker, and she breathes faster. She'll tighten various muscles all over her body. Her breasts will enlarge slightly and her nipples will become erect. Some women's faces, necks or chests will become flushed. Also, her clitoris enlarges.
* She'll notice that her vagina will have created a natural lubricant that will make sex much more enjoyable (if you're too dry, sex can really hurt).
* Her labia (lips) will flatten out and open up. Inside, her vagina will lengthen and widen (preparing for you know what). All this happens because blood rushes to the pelvic area - called engorgement - and creates a pleasurably warm sensation in that area (you know what I'm talking about).

We're just getting started. Want to find out what happens next? Then read more

* As arousal continues, everything becomes even more enlarged and all the changes mentioned above become more pronounced. Yet the woman's clitoris actually retracts under the hood and gets 50% shorter right before she climaxes.
* When the woman reaches orgasm, her skin will flush and muscles all over her body will continue to contract. Blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing rates will continue to rise.
* In the vagina itself, she'll feel rhythmic contractions in the outer part of the vagina, in her uterus and anus. These intense pulses happen about once ever second. Mild orgasms have 3-5 pulses, and intense orgasms have 10-15. Wow!

Did you Know? The muscle contractions you feel in your uterus when you have an orgasm actually have a purpose - they help to suck semen higher up into the vagina, making it easier for sperm to swim to your egg and help you get pregnant!